Toilet Time Killers
when you're pooping, you need something to do.
By brian on: June 28, 2011s
When I take a dump, I find my peace – my sanctuary in a world of chaos, my solace in solitude. In the late 90’s, my toilet entertainment was reduced to newspapers and ESPN magazines. However, the technological advancements of the last decade have opened up a world of countless options. The emergence of smartphones and the awesome time-killing games readily available make poop times two times the fun (get it? The number two?). So which games are the best time killers? Look no further.
My Fab 5
NBA JAM
99 cents well spent. The classic arcade game with updated rosters and controls that easily translate to a touch screen. Tons of unlockable content/players as you play; the best being Basketball Jesus (credit to Bill Simmons for that moniker).
WORDS WITH FRIENDS
Free? Yes, please. It’s a slightly bastardized version of Scrabble, but fun nonetheless. Thanks to this gem, I now know the following are real words: GRUME, FE, GAN, QUOD….just to name a few.
ARMY OF DARKNESS DEFENSE
Say hello to my Boomstick! A recent discovery that got me hooked from the beginning. I love the Army of Darkness movie and the game takes elements from that timeless film and combines them with a tower defense type game. The game is simple. You are Ash and you have to protect the Necronomica from the hordes of the undead. Upgrades are available throughout the 50 levels of the game as you collect money from surviving the previous levels.
BUG HEROES
This is my favorite iPhone game and it’s not even close. You choose 3 of 10 available Bug Heroes (each with different weapons, abilities and upgrades), choose 1 of 9 different levels/locations and protect your food stash from incoming invaders. You can also place turrets on your food stash and eat from it when you are low on health. How do replenish said stash when it’s running low? Roam around and find more food, or choose a Bug Hero at the beginning that cultivates food. Money for upgrading your Bug or Turrets is awarded for surviving the waves of incoming bugs. Not as mindless as one might, especially if you expect to make it to Level 100 (like yours truly).
COIN DOZER (courtesy of Brian Buffon)
Remember that annoying game at the arcade? You know, the one where you put the quarters in the slot and tried to push the other quarters off the ledge? Well, it’s in app-form now. The user-end experience of this game is not too far off from the stages of a narcotics addiction. You start off with 40 coins to drop into the virtual arcade game. At first, things are going well, but before you know it, you’re strung out with no coins. Fortunately, their is a continual “coin regeneration” feature that will grant you one coin every nine minutes while you are offline (not playing the game) and one coin every 30 seconds if you are actively playing the game. If you’re of the impatient variety, you can download various free and paid apps to get more coins, or just pay straight (real) cash for coins. Sounds like narcotics to me.
And seriously, that stupid game at the arcade never actually gave you the quarters that fell off the ledge. You got tickets. That’s totes lame.
If you have more suggestions, leave a comment. I purposely excluded Angry Birds because I sucked at it.
NT Death Grip said on June 30, 2011
Im gnna name some obvious ones: Angry birds and doodle jump =D
NT Death Grip said on June 30, 2011
oh haha didnt catch the angry birds comment
AmandaHugnKiss said on June 30, 2011
hahahahahaha
dacheat said on July 8, 2011
Army of Darkness is really fun. I got it about a week ago, and it’s pretty awesome for a free game. You gain money painfully slow in endless mode though…